dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
