allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
