Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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