My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
