Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Still dying that you shit outside
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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