I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize