where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
