I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize