I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
