Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
