you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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