I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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