So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
