just tell him i said nine months
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
