Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
