Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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