you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
