Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
