you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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