i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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