there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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