You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
