Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
it was like his penis was on wheels.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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