he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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