I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
