She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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