I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
