lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
