if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so let's talk penis.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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