All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
