So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize