Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
