the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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