this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
