just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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