Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
