We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
