she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
