yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
