Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
They are going to name an STD after you.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
