Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
