it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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