I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
