Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I think my moral compass just broke
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
