Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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