Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
