Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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