I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
