i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
