But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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