If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
