how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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