Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
