My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
