Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
