Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
