I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
