i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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