I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
