He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
