I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
