You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
