he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
