Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
