I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
