Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
