I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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