oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
the night ended with taco bell and tears
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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