Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
