UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
