I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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