So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
