Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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