i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
