i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
