then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
