ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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