Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
