apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize