Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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