i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
