it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
