We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize