You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
