brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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