Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
me + whiskey = a bad person
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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