so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Ketchup is God's man juice
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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