I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
