You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Congratulations! We have a period
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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