I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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