I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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