he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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