At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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