can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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