i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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