My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
