Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
