I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
