did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
