I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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