Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
