I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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