youre lurking in front of me
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How does it feel to date your dad?
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