also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
