you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
