My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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