was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Randomize
