My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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