I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
